Self love 102 – Self Acceptance

standing man in black dress facing mountain

I am writing about self love how it makes sense to me and how it has worked for me. We are all different with different areas needing to grow and evolve.

For me the first steps to self love and happiness was to start accepting myself exactly how I am and realizing the value I bring. I don’t know where and when did I start doubting myself and my value but somewhere along the line it happened.

I am an Estonian living in the United States without any related family besides my son, who was born in the United States. So for years I feel like I either had to go with the flow of others or fight my point of view that no one got.

Americans may somewhat have  understanding of cultures they have heard of, like Italians ( loud, pizza, sauce/gravy), Irish ( beer, corned beef, green pastures) Germans  (bratwurst, potatoes, beer) and so on. But Estonians – ………………..nothing, crickets. Nothing to associate with. Maaaaybeee they think to associate us with Russians, ding ding ding, but naaaah that is not it. I have been feeling this pressure to try to explain what it is, what we are. And I think  people give up before they actually make sense of it or they just go with yeah, she is that Russian girl, once I was even called mail order bride. That is a whole other story.

Let me fill you in. Even though I left Estonia when I was young, the culture and the unity and my childhood, has taught me amazing values. Especially nowadays where we value status, riches, outside crap, everything material, where we have a disease of more, where it’s never enough. The culture of doing more, having more, no time to waste, hustle is the name of the game.  Estonia has a very rich history of being invaded by other nations several times, we had to fight for our freedom many times, and time and time again we got it back, this in instilled in our DNA. We are fighters, small but feisty. We are a self conscious nation, spiritual, we are our own, we are not Russians, we are not Eastern world, we are not Europeans ( well kind of ), we are a little of bit of everything.

We are lovers and fighters for our own rights.

We don’t live by rules, we live by ethics.

We love nature and appreciate Mother Earth.

We listen to our gut.

We pick harvest and can, with our children watching.

We say what we think without sugar coating.

We smile when we want to but we don’t “keep smiling”

We sauna and then jump in the cold river.

We fish and then smoke it and devour.

We have had to live under so many different cultures ruling us so we adopted some of their traditions, we are smart like that.

We drink vodka straight up.

We make the best fucking  time of the 1 month of summer we have, where the streets are empty in the city and roads near the beaches are filled with day beachers.

We cook our own food as much as possible.

We are not germaphobes that is why we don’t get sick and live long lives.

We walk, ski, and spend as much time outside as possible, even when we are old, really old.

We are not victims.

I am so proud to write all this down, because living so far away, I forget sometimes what I am, and that I need to be no other way, I don’t need to fit in or worry, because this list above is badass.

Now, write your own list, from wherever you came from, whatever your background, even if it was filled with obstacles, even if it was filled with happiness, we all have a story and what makes you YOU. Make this badass list and own it and let noone dull it.


“The desire to know your own soul will end all other desires” Rumi



Photo by Brennan Tolman on



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