Validation is something all of us are seeking. It is our lifeline. Belonging, being accepted, being validated – by our parents, by our friends, by our partners and by outside world. We seek this now more than ever, our value lies in the LIKES, HEARTS, THUMBS UPS AND COMMENTS on social media.
But what about validating ourselves. When did we stop validating our true self and thinking that other’s validation is more important.
Was it when we were little and our parents and caregivers told us NO? Was it when someone in nursery school left us out of their clique, was it a boy or girl that rejected you in middle school? Or is it your life partner, your friends /in-laws now? Track back and think about it, when did it happen because majority of us are looking for validation somewhere beside in ourselves. It’s a phenomenon of our culture right now.
Validation is something that others and outside world can’t give us unless we give it to ourselves. We project what we think.
Also looking for validation from outside and from others is easier than looking in the mirror. It is so much easier to deflect from our fears than to face them. It is so much harder to admit your wrong doing and shift the blame to ourselves. To the point that we will fall into self sabotage, live our lives miserable. Our egos are so stubborn, that they would rather die with righteousness than admit or surrender.
The saying that anything worth while does not come easy. I believe that. To sit with your fearful feeling, the feeling of loss, the feeling of sadness, the feeling of rejection is HARD. We’d rather distract, look for fun, look for busy, look for something to fill our time.
But, try to sit in the heat, try to accept your fears, accept your feelings, validate your feelings. The only way to it is through it, shortcuts will only be a temporary fix.
“People who want the most approval get the least and people who need approval the least get the most ” Wayne Dyer