We all have had diversity in our life, even if our parents tried to protect us from all of it, they could not have saved us from all troubles.
When diversity hits you might have felt like your world was crumbling – maybe you were bullied, maybe it was your friend betraying you, maybe your parents got divorced, maybe you were the outcast, maybe you did not have material things like the rest of your friends had, the list goes. The reality is that everyone of us has a story, of some kind, and some of our story maybe that you did not have any problems and you were cuddled, well that is also a problem. Either way each one of us has to learn how to love ourselves unconditionally, with all of our wounds, our past, our quirks. Learn how to deal with all of the above and the sooner you do it, the more freedom and happiness you experience.
Below are few hard life situations and a guide to how they can make you stronger and how diversity can be your best friend.
- If you were made fun of or are being made of fun of ( be it your clothes, your looks, your accent, your family, your friends) – remember other people’s opinion is NOT your problem, their opinion is their problem. What you need to do is ignore the bullshit and move on with your own goals and ambitions, if you dont have any, get some, because people without goals are the ones minding other people’s business and making others feel less than.
2. Friend or loved one betrays you: we are all humans, each one of us comes with a story, everything we do is because of our background, the way we behave or treat others or treat ourselves, is all because of our background. First it is how we were raised, but at one point that is no longer our story because as an adult we can be and do anything we want to do. We can claim our life and work on our self development and make it what we want. So if someone betrays you, you have to first decide, if that person is important enough for you to work things through with. Most people that we perceive as betraying us, are worth the while. Remember you can only be responsible and do what you feel in your gut, the rest of it is out of your control. So you can put it all out there, be courageous, vulnerable and try to ask why someone did that, and they can respond to you from where they are at, you can then accept their response and move one. Depending on their response your relationship will get stronger ( if they met you with the same vulnerability and courage) or it will be history or you can leave it and time may change things. But once you speak from your heart what you have to say, you are done, the rest is for the universe to decide. Sound really simple. But it takes work to get to that point. Allowing space can be hard, but that is all you can do.
3. Your parents got divorced – If you have lived through this or are living through this, I am sorry, I know this can be painful and a lot is out of your hands and control. No matter what you do or did, is not the reason first of all. Parents are our first care givers, our first people who love us, we look for them for EVERYTHING, and it can be crushing when this happens. I am sure there are many different kind of divorces as there are many different kind of people and how they deal with things and emotions. But to put it very short, divorce is between 2 people who got married and nothing more, yes there are million reasons and influences but it all comes down to 2 parents and their relationship, it is noone else’s business, yes it affects many people around them generally, but at the end of the day, it is a relationship between 2 people and up to them how they want to handle. So as children, we are dragged through the mud often, sometimes not, or sometimes there might be quiltrip benefits to kids. What you need to know as far as diversity goes is that it is a wound, noone expects it, noone wants it, but what you can do is compartmentalize your parents now as mom and dad and have your own relationship with each one of them separately and together if possible but most of all separately, you have 1 mom and 1 dad and that is it. Accept them as humans, accepts them just as they are, they have flaws, they have hurts, just like any human being, they love you in their own way. That’s it, the sooner you get to that point in life if your parents divorced, the happier you will be. It takes work often, inner work, but you will learn so much and you will not understand your parents once you are there but also every other human.
4. Being an outcast – OMG, this is my favorite. And I would like to congratulate you! That is amazing, that means you are not a follower. Stay that way and develop even a stronger outcast muscle, develop a strong me muscle, develop owning yourself, believe in yourself, voice your opinion, because the world needs it. Make sure it comes out of love and goodness, and keep rolling like one. The world needs more leaders and not followers. It takes a lot of confidence and self development to stand in that space but you will know if if this is for you, standing alone is much harder than following the crowd, but if you know that in your gut that you are meant to do that, again congratulations!
5. Not having what your peers have aka FOMO – ok so this has been accentuated through social media lately a lot. I still remember the days where you did your own thing and people found out about it when you told them or if they saw you. Now it’s like a competition of look at me, look at my kids, look at my dogs, look at what I have and that kind of environment can leave anyone FOMO. What is FOMO – fear of missing out, fear of not having what others have, fear of not doing what others do, and that can leave you feeling less than. So if you notice yourself that this kind of stuff affects you negatively, opt out. If certain accounts, or people’s posts make you feel less than unfollow them. Be in control of what kind of content you consume. There is a also real life situations where you may feel this way, and what helps is building your self confidence muscle, standing strongly in who you are, not what you do or what you have. Or perhaps hanging out less with people who make you feel less than.
So many more that I have lived through and many of us have lived through, my idea is not to ignore the issues and triggers that make your life hard, but to face them head on. Maybe you don’t know how to face them head on but you know that a certain topic makes you sad, anxious or depressed, the only way to it is through it, when you work things through you feel lighter and your your issues get lifted and you don’t have to carry that heavy load anymore.
So welcome your diversity and face it head on, make it your best friend
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